It’s getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes

I don’t like being hot. Part of the blame goes to my father for giving me genes that include sweating out gallons of water at a time, another part of the blame goes to myself for being a fat jerk. It’s just uncomfortable to be hot.

This is my main complaint about global warming. I don’t like the sound of anything warming. I am a cold weather being, it’s when I’m at my best. I’ve wooed my current girlfriend during the cold whether, my fat hidden underneath heavy clothes, my body making a nice furnace for her chilly body. But now spring has sprung and it’s gonna be all “eeeewww, you’re all sweaty” and “get off me you’re all hot.” Stupid heat. So if the globe is really getting warmer I am personally in for a more miserable time.

In some ways I think it would be kinda neat if the ocean levels rose. I mean the coastline has been the same my whole life, it would be awesome if it was like 50 feet higher. Probably not so cool for those living on the coast, but maybe my apartment about 3 miles inland would be some prime beachfront property. That would be sweet.

Boredofeducation has opened the discussion to all of us with one of the most exhaustive HMB lenses i’ve ever seen. He has expanded on the usual HMB setup by adding different sections to the argument and letting people comment on each section. He does a great job articulating each of his points and even has charts and shit that really don’t mean much to me, but I’m sure they mean something…?

Among doesn’t need to be spelled correctly in charts.

The bottom line is that we don’t really know much about global warming, but it is worth investigating. I mean I would think the earth would get warmer and colder on its own as would its chemical levels flucuate and whatnot. But it also makes sense that as we technologically advance and create unhealthy things that it would have an adverse affect on our climate and planet as a whole. Which is creating global warming? I dunno. But lets atleast explore it and discuss it, ya know?

Also, I have a really good idea on how to solve the man made problems. Our corporations need to be more innovative and come up with new, exciting ways to pollute. Lets make a smoke stack that causes global cooling! Im not even saying to just get the temperature back to what it was, we need to pollute with gasses that make it like 60 degrees always. Come on GE! You can do it!

Where do you stand on the global warming debate? Maybe your opinion is all over the map like mine is. This HMB lens is for you, it’s so complete you might need to take a nap after. Just don’t use too many blankets, you might sweat and gross out your lover.