The Sims 2 = Real Life?

So during a recent trip to a local Walmart I suggested to my lovely girlfriend that we pick up The Sims 2, because it was probably cheap, and she has been playing the Sims 1 which is just sad.  So I offer to split the cost, even though I know I’m barely gonna touch it, but I knew she would get a lot of enjoyment out of the game.   And she has, but it’s kinda scary.

Mort and Mort’s Better half, reasonable facsimiles, though in real life she has dreads but the game doesn’t have them.  RACISTS!

First off she made Sims that look like her and I, which is perfectly logical, I did the same in my 15 minutes with the game (though I dressed her up like a slut which didn’t win me many points IRL… but I thought it was funny).   So she spent hours designing this house, it was really fun to watch, actually.  She has a natural eye for decoration and house setups, as evidenced by our awesome apartment.  Watching her get to work with a larger palette than our real budgets allow was entertaining.

Look at the love… and the perfectly aligned decorum.

But then she started playing, and it started off well.  The Mort sim liked the Mort’s Girlfriend Sim so she was happy and I was happy and everything was great.   Things led up pretty well, she was trying to make us have a baby (which, funnily enough I am more open to in real life than she is), so I wasn’t even freaked out then.  But then it happened and my character in the game immediately became an alcoholic.   This, I thought was funny, but she started getting mad at me,  actual me, because of what I was doing in the game!

Pregnancy ahoy.  The world better hope this only happens in video games.

And it only got worse!  After my alcoholism during her pregnancy the baby was born, and she was in another room turning off a TV when it happened, and she was so disappointed when she came back in and found out she missed it.   But, almost immediately, I took an interest in the maid, one of my goals in the game was to become “best friends” with her.   This annoyed my girlfriend greatly, and made her give me snide comments.  Me, not the sim.

So then she starts making my Sim flirt with the maid, and when it happens she then gets really mad at the sim, and then me.  Because that’s me cheating, you see, not a fairly basic digital algorithm.   But she was the one making me flirt!  She hit the buttons!   And then the maid picked up the baby and she started calling her a home wrecker.   I was also getting some very evil glares.

The maid controversy seems to have passed though and in game things are going pretty well.  Our kid is a toddler now, and he shits a lot, and she usually makes me clean it up… but that’s cool, I like to help with the baby!  I’m not sure if the maid has been fired or what but I haven’t seen her around in a while.  I kinda miss her, it was my goal to be best friends with her!

I don’t need no stinkin’ maid!  I have naked bowling to do.  Why doesn’t she ever dress me?

Other things of note is that she had me drink espresso, and I don’t do caffeine, and evidently neither does my digital avatar… as I sat at the table shaking like a crackhead.  Which is exactly the same thing that happened the last time I had a Coke.   And more recently for some reason I was standing up in the bathtub and pretending to be a pirate, and any long time readers know I take the pirate side of the Pirate vs Ninja battles.

Even as I write this she is sitting next to me playing.  She just gave me a kiss and told me she loved me.  I must have done something good in the game!  Right now I am holding the baby as she reads a book.

I’m not sure if I am creeped out or infinitely intrigued, but the addition of The Sims 2 to our life is definitely profound.  And weird.  Very, very weird.   I’m not all that sure what’s happening in the game and what’s happening in real life.   But I’m pretty sure we don’t have a maid.

This is a photo of me in real life.